***Don't you hate it when people steal your food? Okay, so maybe it's selfish not to offer, but still. Dude, you can't just TAKE my food, yo.
I bought it, didn't I? (Or my parents did...)
Did we get it together? I don't think so. HENCEFORTH, you go and get one and you eat it and you leave me alone to enjoy mine in peace.
It's just really irritating. You're eating having a good time because eating is, like, the best thing to do on your spare time. So, you're just stuffing your face, pleasing your tummy and then BAM.
Your bacon is gone.
(Insert horrible name here), did I TELL you you can touch my bacon? No one touches my bacon!
Then, you must fight for it and then they LICK it so you won't want it again. Then, they just smile at you all proud of themselves while you're trying to remember their address so you can kill them while they sleep.
I mean really... I'd go to jail if I've got my bacon. As long as I can take it with me. HA! Can you imagine some dude is being arrested because he killed someone because they stole his bacon and he has bacon in his hands while the police are arresting him. So, he like throws his bacon under a car while shouting "YOU CAN TAKE ME AWAY BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE MY BACON!"
Then you see a police officer gets the bacon from under the car and eats it. AND he puts the guy in jail.